Sunday, July 21, 2013

Seven, My Unlucky Number

I've been told that it has been proven that one person cannot have more than 7 people in their intimate circle. Although The Dunbar's Number theorem of human maximum "intimate circle size” is12.


I guess I find the maximum number of seven more feasible.  After all Jesus had 12 Disciples; one betrayed Him, one denied knowing Him three times and another didn't believe it was Him after He rose from the dead until He proved Himself.  The two on either end of the last supper table were probably hangers on looking for some free food and drink (I hear Jesus made some really good wine) but when things got too intense they probably took off running**.  That leaves seven.

My mother couldn't find it within herself to be close to my youngest brother and me, perhaps because she had our Dad and 6 siblings before us. The two of us were always resigned to the kids table for meals.

My sister May* and I don't talk, text or email as much since her grandchildren were born. I've been nudged out of her circle by her husband; two daughters; son; son in-law and two darling grand-children.  Yup, adds up to seven.

After his girlfriend moved in with him, I lost contact with my brother Augusto*. Nudged out again by three kids, three grand-kids and a girlfriend. Seven.

My oldest son Julius* has a girlfriend now, he doesn't have time for me anymore. He has his Dad (my X); his little brother (my youngest son Juno*); The Girlfriend; her two sisters, and her parents (they're very close). Seven. No room for Mom to be invited to Christmas or New Years dinner (not even at the kids table).

One would think with all the siblings I have I would be able to have some semblance of a circle of people around me, but no. Part of the reason may be our age, political and/or religious differences and part may be geographical, I live in the very South East and they live in the North East. Or it may be that I am such an a-hole that they can only take me in small doses.  No, that couldn't be it.

I have a gentleman friend who reminds me he is in my circle. That is so sweet, but he jumps out of my circle faster than a Greek captain abandons ship any time my kids do come around .

Recently de-friended someone I've known for many years from Facebook because I felt slighted that I wasn't invited to her wedding, I thought we were closer than she thought we were. After she realized that I de-friended her she sent not one, but two scathing text messages scolding me as if I was a child and telling me among other things that I 'push people away' and that I will basically 'die alone and a very bitter woman' [sic] then proceeded to block me, not that I was going to respond.  Now I've never seen myself as being bitter but, as a writer, I do enjoy the comparison, as unintended as it was, to Sylvia Plath.  And yes, after her hurtful and hate filled rant, I believe I did the right thing by de-friending her. Besides she has her seven, fiancé, three kids, grandchild, best friend and best friends husband. Seven.

I've never been one to fit into societal molds as defined by scholars. I've never had my own circle of people. Perhaps I brought it on myself with my aloof like personality. Maybe some people weren't meant to have circles and instead were meant to be flexible enough to spread out and be available as needed when needed by others.  I would rather not have a closed circle so that others will feel welcome and comfortable enough to approach me when they need a friend or just someone to listen to them and  know that I won't bring up their inner most secrets or fears later on in a scathing text message.  I know I would like people like that in my life.

**pure speculation on my part
*names have been changed to protect me from getting yelled at 


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